


'til death do us part

by senkuishigmi



Category: Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Funerals, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, I cried while writing this, M/M, Modern AU, military death, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senkuishigmi/pseuds/senkuishigmi
Summary: xeno receives the worst news of his life.
Relationships: Stanley Snyder/Dr. Xeno
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	'til death do us part

Fear and worry weren't things Xeno felt often. Such emotions were only a waste of energy, after all. But when it came to Stanley... that was the exception. He simply couldn't help it; the man was his one and only weakness.

Xeno's greatest fear was one that never left his mind. He was usually able push it deep down and go on about his life, completing his work and personal research without distraction, but it never fully left his brain. From the moment Stanley was called into action to the moment he was back in Xeno's arms, the fear would be there, eating away at him and keeping him awake at night.

He felt it for the first time when he was seventeen, the day Stanley told him he planned to enlist. Of course, he still respected his best friend's decision and showed his support in every way he could. Fifteen years later he continued to do so, congratulating his now husband as he climbed the ranks, being there to kiss him goodbye when he was deployed, and waiting patiently at home for his return. At least, he tried his best to be patient - the fear came with the waiting. 

He knew all too well that Stanley might never come home to him.

_No, he always returns_ , he would tell himself, taking a deep breath, _he's always returned to me. This time will be no different._ Logically, he knew that didn't mean anything in this situation, but it was what kept him going. That and the letters Stanley would regularly send him.

(He kept each and every one folded up in a shoe box under their bed. On the nights he was missing him most, he would pull out the box with shaky hands and reread them.)

It was a Wednesday morning like any other. Xeno had been in his lab late into the night and was drinking plenty of coffee to make up for the hours of sleep he'd lost before he had to leave for work. Normally, Stanley would be seated next to him listening to him go on and on about the experiment he'd conducted. He would slip Xeno's nearly forgotten NASA ID into his pocket as he kissed him goodbye.

For the last few months, though, Xeno had spent his mornings alone, and in silence. He thought of all the things he'd like to tell Stan as he put his empty mug in the kitchen sink and clipped his ID onto the pocket of his own pants. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. He sighed and grabbed his lab coat off the back of the chair he'd been sitting in, slipping it on as he approached the door. He didn't have time for unexpected visitors.

The second he opened the door, his annoyance changed to dread, and his stomach dropped. He had to lean against the doorframe for support. Two men in uniform stood before him.

"Is this the home of Chief Warrant Officer Stanley Snyder?"

It took Xeno a moment to process what he was being asked. "Yes. I'm his husband."

"May we come in?" Xeno nodded, stepping back to allow the men to enter. His body was moving on autopilot, his mind having seemingly gone numb. He was asked to take a seat, and he did so on the couch. His legs felt like they would give out if he didn't.

His hands trembled in his lap as he waited for one of the soldiers to speak, despite his efforts to keep them still. He wanted to tell himself that it was okay, that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, but he was simply too logical minded for that. He knew what was coming. He just didn't want to believe it.

"The commandant of the Marine Corps has entrusted me to express his deep regret that your husband, Stanley, was killed in action early this morning. We don't have many details at this time, but I can inform you that his plane was shot down. We are truly sorry for your loss."

There it was. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, his lungs burning with every inhale.

The man before him continued to speak, but the words were muffled.

He managed to keep it together for the most part until the two men saw themselves out. As soon as he was alone, he let out a strangled sob, clutching his chest. 

_No. No, this can't be happening._

_This can't be real._

_Please, Stan. Tell me this isn't real._

_I can't do this. I can't live without you._

_This is just a dream. It has to be._

_Stan..._

Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest. Xeno couldn't remember a time in his life when he had cried so openly. He and Stanley, they had been together since they were children. They had been through absolutely everything together. From dealing with school bullies and shitty parents, to cheering on the other as they worked towards their dreams, slowly falling in love with each other through it all. They had promised their lives to each other...

'Til death do us part. 

Xeno tried to move from the couch, but only made it a few steps before he collapsed, a disheveled heap of tears and screams as his grief poured out. His vision was beginning to tunnel, and he tried his hardest to slow his breathing.

Had Stanley suffered? Had be been scared? What were his last thoughts? Had Xeno crossed his mind?

Xeno had probably been in his lab when it happened. Completely unbeknownst to him, while he was mixing chemicals for that damned experiment, his husband had been... 

He felt like he would vomit.

_You can't be gone, Stan. You promised me you'd come home. You promised!_  


(That was six months, two weeks, and four days ago, Xeno remembered. It was the night before Stanley had to leave. They had just finished making love for the second time that evening, and Xeno laid with his head resting on Stanley's bare chest, listening to his heartbeat. For the longest time, neither of them spoke, simply enjoying each other's presence before they had to say their goodbyes. A cigarette dangled from Stanley's lips, smoke swirling above them before dissipating into the air. 

Xeno had tried his hardest to keep his negative feelings at bay for Stanley's sake, but tears blurred his vision as his thoughts continued to race. He blinked them away, but a single salty drop still managed to escape, hitting Stanley's skin.

"Hey," Stanley spoke softly, "What's the matter?"

"I don't want you to go, Stan," Xeno mumbled into his husband's chest.

Stanley put out his cigarette in the ash tray beside the bed before wrapping his arms around Xeno's slim torso, hugging him tight. "I know. I'm gonna miss you," he said, "but I'll be back before you know it."

"You don't know that," Xeno said, voice cracking. Despite his efforts to stop them, his tears continued to spill.

Stanley began to sit up, forcing Xeno to do the same, and their eyes met. "I always come home to you," Stanley said, wiping his lover's tears away with the back of his hand, "and I will this time, too. That's a promise."

Logically, Xeno knew that such a promise didn't carry much weight. Stanley had no control over the situation. But he had never broken a promise to him, not once, and those words still meant the world to him.)

*

A week later, the three shots fired by the honor guard team rang in Xeno's ears. The world around him went mute, moving by in an incoherent blur.

The flag draped over the casket was carefully removed and folded before being handed to him. He took it gingerly, holding it over his heart. The entire time, he stared solemnly ahead, refusing to let his emotions out in front of all these people.

He lost control, though, as they began lowering the casket into the grave. It was too much. He covered his mouth with his hand, choking back a sob. It was the first time in his life he cried in front of anybody other than Stanley.

It really hit him in that moment, like a punch to the gut. That was his best friend in that casket, his entire world, the love of his life. He would never see his face again. He would never kiss him or be held by him, never laugh or argue with him, never fall asleep or wake up next to him ever again.

When the service was over, he sat behind the steering wheel of his car, still parked at the edge of the cemetery, and wept. He cried his eyes out for who knows how long, clutching the folded flag to his chest.

_ Stan, what am I going to do without you? Why did you leave me?_

*

As time passed, the pain didn't leave him, but faded to the back of his mind, just like the fear used to. There were days where he felt okay, and ones where he felt utterly hopeless. He still cried often.

His home - _their_ home - felt cold and empty, and he shut himself up in his lab much of the time to take his mind off it. The flag from the funeral was on display in the living room in a triangular glass case, next to a framed photo of Stanley.

When Xeno returned to work, no one could have guessed by his demeanor how much grief he was feeling (though he could tell by the looks he was getting that everybody knew what happened). As always, he completed his work flawlessly and without distraction. While he was working, he could almost forget - until he moved just enough that Stanley's dog tags would jingle softly underneath his shirt. He wore them on a chain around his neck just long enough that they rested over his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> do you ever kill your comfort characters off just to feel something
> 
> i have no idea why i wrote this it just popped into my head and wouldn't go away i'm sorrY


End file.
